the pattern of respectability

When we accept such a way of life, we accept the structure of society as it is and live within the pattern of respectability. And that is what most of us are caught in because most of us want to be terribly respectable.

In this quotation, Krishnamurti is commenting on how we live our lives. Most of us live our life fitting in to society. Our behaviour is determined by societal norms and expectations. For many, the pattern of life is defined by the society in which they live. We tend to adopt a lifestyle similar to the way our parents lived, or similar to how our friends live. And we simply accept that this is the way to live. We don't really question it. We don't really ask, is this the life I would choose for myself? And why does this happen? We want to be accepted. Typically, we want to belong to some society, to a tribe.

This urge, this longing to belong, is really underwritten by a terrible sense of separation from other people and from the rest of existence. This is the fall from grace, in terms of Christianity. Once upon a time we felt connected, connected to all that is.And in that state, there is no longing to belong. We are simply part of all that is. There is no question about it. There is no self doubt. We are in the Garden of Eden. We are part of the Garden of Eden.

But somewhere along the way, we lost that feeling of being a part of the whole. We became separate, at least in our psychology. We lost the sense of connection. And ever since that time, we've been trying to regain connection. Only because we've so totally lost the feeling of being part of existence, we don't even tend to acknowledge that that is what we are looking for. And instead, we substitute lesser ways of connecting.

We might feel strongly, we want to be in a relationship with another individual human being, an intimate personal relationship, because that way I feel connected to one person at least. Or we try to fit in with our family, our parents, our brothers and sisters. Or we try to fit in with society, like Krishnamurti is suggesting here. And that means being respectable. It means behaving according to society's rules. And for some individuals, those rules might fit, like well fitting clothes. It might be easy. It might not be a compromise. But for most of us, when we are fitting in in that way, we are compromising ourself. Perhaps we want to be wild and dance naked in the moonlight. But we don't feel we can. What would the neighbours say?

Human creativity can be boundless. We could be expressing ourselves in so many different ways. But we worry, worry about what other people might say. We worry that we will be ostracised, alienated by others in society. We have a fear of being cast out, rejected.

And really, if we look into that fear, it's a fear of being alone, a fear that we are somehow inadequate and that there there is something wrong within us. So often our psychological behaviour comes down to this, a deep underlying feeling that there's something wrong in me. And from that we're always trying to compensate. I need the approval of other people so that I can tell myself, I'm not really so bad. I'm okay. But I only need to hear that from other people because I doubt it. Deep down, I have this great self doubt.

And it's from that self doubt that there comes this great need to be respectable. And that's how most people live out their whole life, being respectable. But it's not really fulfilling. And that's why many people actually have deep, dark secrets. Perhaps they are a very respectable member of Parliament. But at night, when alone, they watch porn and masturbate and feel it's somehow wrong or dirty, because they can't stand up in public and say, yes, I like to watch porn and masturbate, even though most people do. There isn't anything intrinsically wrong in it, but we have to appear to be respectable. And this makes us all slightly inauthentic because the respectability is more a mask. We're pretending to be respectable. But we know, really, we are not. We have all these shadow elements, little perversions that we don't want people to know about. And we hide all that.

And that's a deep problem with respectability is that we end up being fake. We hide parts of who we are, parts that we feel are unacceptable to society. We feel shame about them or guilt. And we pretend to be something that we are not, all so that we can feel accepted by others. But it doesn't really work because we know that what those other people are accepting is this fake image that we are presenting to the world. And we know that is not who I really am.

So this whole respectability way of life is a complete nonsense. It doesn't serve us in any way. We are not serving each other when we demand others to be respectable. And we are not serving anyone when we pretend to be respectable. Or even if we manage to suppress all those dark elements in our psychology and actually live respectably, even if it's fairly honest, still, we are suppressing elements within ourself, and that's always unhealthy.

On the spiritual journey, we are really looking into the question of, who am I? Who am I really? And what is my connection to the rest of existence? What should that relationship look like, feel like? And we cannot turn to society to answer these questions. We cannot turn to any outer authority. We have to delve deeply within ourself. We have to feel these things. Who am I? What is my connection to the rest of existence?

Ultimately, if we are very fortunate, we can return to the Garden of Eden. We can come back to living in our natural state, integrated, whole, and not separate, not separate from anything else in creation.

But for this wholeness to come about, for paradise to be regained in this way, we have to be prepared to step out of this respectable way of living our life. Respectability cannot be our guide. We cannot afford to live our life that way if we are sincere about our spiritual journey.

In this quote, Krishnamurti is pointing out that most of us live in a way that is respectable, that we want to be terribly respectable. And I like his use of the word terribly there, because it is terrible. To live with this burden of respectability is a terrible way to live. It's no way to live at all, actually. But of course, Krishnamurti is really challenging us. He's pointing out that most of us want to be respectable, but implied in that is that there is some alternative. And that is to stop worrying what other people think of us. It's to find another way of determining how to live. And that comes from feeling into ourself, feeling where we feel authentic. Under what circumstances do we really feel alive? What brings us into a sense of deep connection with existence? Not just with a few friends, not just with society as a whole, but with all that is.

And we cannot find answers to these questions from within the structure of society. As Krishnamurti says, that's a pattern. It's a structure. And life is much more unstructured than that. Existence is beautifully unpredictable. Life is a mysterious process. So we need to step out of being respectable, and get in touch again, with the mystery of life, and live our life without the need of structure, from a space of authenticity, spontaneity, creativity.